Some of you might remember when Jon Lovitz was on SNL. Well he had a character that was a pathological liar, Tony Flanagan. I mention this because we saw another pathological liar go through just as big of a story and make even less sense. Donald Trump is a truly sick man and I cannot even begin to grasp the depth of the bullshit his whole world must be composed of.
Today we learned how the information that has been leaked is classified as top secret and that all that has been leaked is fake information. So either our government sits around and comes up with fictionalized top secret files, or our president is full of shit? I mean it can’t be both, but then again he is an absolute moron too.
Imagine if you were to go in for a job interview and the interviewer said, “we see here that you committed a felony. ”
You: How do you know that?
Interviewer: The application you filled out…
You: But I’m not a felon.
Interviewer: But you checked the box…
You: Yeah I checked the box, I mean I committed a felony but it’s totally fake to be calling me a felon…
Interviewer hits intercom: Can we get security in here please….
That’s not all though…. Let me give a list of what Trump discussed today…
1.) Fake news is destroying America by releasing real information
2.) He said he wasn’t Anti-Semitic and then told a Jewish reporter to sit down and shut up.
3.) He said he wasn’t racist and then assumed a black reporter would know all other black people.
4.) He assured us that Nuclear Holocaust would be bad…
5.) He didn’t know that a Russian ship is 30 miles off the coast of Connecticut.
6.) Said he inherited a mess from Obama…such as low unemployment, and a plethora of jobs…
7.) Said Flynn is an honorable man and did nothing wrong, but that when he lied to Pence about the thing he did not do, it was the last straw so he was fired…
8.) Said there will be a replacement for Obamacare by Early to Mid-March, which I’m sure made every Republican in congress shit themselves.
9.) Reminded us once again that he received 306 electoral votes, like the former high school jock ,who has that one story about when they saved the game, that they continue to tell long into their 70’s.
10.) Said he might reconsider Alexander Acosta as Labor Secretary if he happened to be related to Jim Acosta, CNN anchor, for being fake news….
11.) Insulted CNN by saying there were not just fake news anymore but…(Dramatic Pause)…VERY FAKE NEWS!!!!!…..I’m surprised he didn’t add poopyhead to the end of it…
12.) Praised a question about Melania and said that he had known her for a long time….HE’S YOUR FUCKING WIFE….I WOULD FUCKING HOPE YOU WOULD KNOW HER!!!!
13.) Said he could be tough on Russia but won’t because he knows the press would love him being tough on Russia and that he doesn’t want to make them happy…(What a great military policy)
14.) Claimed that Inner Cities in the US are as bad and in many cases worse than the Middle East. I’ve been to Chicago, I didn’t come home with PTSD and it is not comparable to Aleppo.
15.) Said he has ordered the Pentagon to come up with a plan to defeat ISIS. (Ok, first….he supposedly already had a secret plan that would definitely defeat ISIS. Second, if it was as easy as just coming up with a plan, don’t you think ISIS would be gone by now???)
16.) He said that Drugs are cheaper than candy bars…to which I reply…”Where and what is the cost of living in that place?” I kid….but seriously, he’s fucking nuts…
17.) Said no one in his campaign ever talked to Russia and then said more specifically that HE didn’t have anything to do with Russia. He also said that he didn’t tell Flynn to call Russia but he definitely would have told Flynn to call Russia.
18.) Pleaded for a nice and simple question from a nice reporter and then stopped the next question halfway through saying it wasn’t a nice and simple question and that he already knew what the question was…he then went on to speak at length about mean reporters and their mean questions.
19.) Claimed that he would be a good reporter because he is there and he knows what was said about the things that weren’t said and that the people don’t believe the media because he told them not too but that they are fake because their fake….
20.) He announced a new nomination as Labor Secretary which is probably the embodiment of Satan since it slipped through the cracks so quickly no one is even talking about that at all.
And for your viewing pleasure….here is Jon Lovitz as Tony Flanagan.
Goodnight and Happy Friday!