I considered writing about just how stupid the rally was today but no. Then I considered writing about any of the various topics that are in the news but no. I honestly don’t know what to write about today other than trying to figure out why the fuck I’m even writing to begin with…
I mean who the fuck am I? I’m sitting here putting a bunch of words on a screen and to what purpose? I’m not interesting or thoughtful in my own opinion. I’m a fuckin weirdo with Asperger’s. So ummm yeah…I see things from a different perspective and so maybe that’s interesting? I don’t know if I’m writing for someone to read and find interesting or if I’m writing in some sense as a juggling dwarf as an oddity with my own fucked up sense of how things work.
Yet, here I sit still writing things down that just come into my head. Almost daily I am called out as someone who is just a know-it-all, or someone who thinks they are better than everyone else due to my usage of “big” words. So am I writing to these people? I don’t think so but maybe I am writing against these people, and maybe in some way I do view myself as better than a person who can’t understand the meaning of the word egregious. Anyway I’m still writing and the few people that are reading this probably think I am having some sort of meltdown but that’s not the case at all.
See, this is how my mind works on a daily basis. I am always one step away from giving up and quitting. I’ve always wanted to write a book and outside of an outline I’ve made no progress. I do actually have an outline though which is more than I can say about any other book idea that I have ever had. So basically getting on here and writing is my one way of pushing myself forward and challenging myself to do a little bit better each and every day. I have an extreme lack of self-esteem which comes from believing you are totally different than everyone else on Earth. Believe me when I tell you, not knowing how to be an average person and knowing that you are totally different than everyone else you meet is a total mind fuck to a growing mind.
But anyway, I write because I write and that’s really all I can do to keep myself on the path towards one day actually writing a book.
Much love and I hope you are having a good weekend.