Why I Am Not A Christian.

So I’m an Atheist, which means so many different things to so many different people that it seems a simple definition is needed before I go further into this post. A-Theist meaning not a theist. So it doesn’t mean I worship satan, it doesn’t mean I want all religion to end, it doesn’t mean I hate you if you are religious it simply means that I see science as a much more logical answer to our existence than any form of creator or intelligent design function.

This ends the non-offensive portion of post… So if you are easily offended.

Thank you and goodnight.

Anyway, now that those people are safely tucked in let me go into a diatribe about my own Atheism. I was for a good portion of my life, an Evangelical Christian minister. As you may believe it was very difficult for me to move away from that to my current mindset. I spent years preaching the Bible and telling folks that if they didn’t change their wicked ways they would be headed to Hell. Yet I fought with my religious beliefs even back then. There are certain things in the scriptures that just don’t line up with an idea of a loving God, namely the belief in Hell and God’s wrathful nature in the Old Testament. There are numerous contradictions in the Old and New Testament that made things difficult for me, who is always one to look for logic even when there isn’t any to be found. Lastly though a couple of things really bothered me and I will go into them now.

1.) I never met a pastor that wasn’t an awful person secretly

I’m including myself in this group as when I was a minister, I was truly an awful person. In reality though we are all awful people with our own vices that we pretend don’t exist. Maybe you like to drink, maybe you like to smoke, maybe you like being hung upside down and have your balls in a vice while a filipino man swears at you from the corner. Point is we are all weird and fucked up in some way. The same is true for ministers and yet these people are those that their congregation looks to for spiritual guidance and many believe are nearly infallible(Especially in evangelical churched). My church was anti-drinking, anti-smoking, and anti-porn but guess what, I drank, smoked, and watched porn all while I was a minister and I knew many other ministers who secretly did the same. I on the other hand was very light in my evil doing, members of my own denomination were convicted of sex crimes, embezzlement, perjury, etc…many other had secret affairs with church members some of which even pretended as if their dong was the true path to forgiveness….I kid you not… So if you go to church, look at your pastor, and realize he or she is a human being with human desires and temptations and they binge on those temptations just like everyone else. Being a minister does not make you special in the eyes of God, we just like to tell you that because….

2.) Churches are un-taxed Businesses

When I first got into the ministry I was under the tutelage of another minister. I was also required to go to our district meetings of ministers once per month. It was during this time that I began to realize just how little ministers actually care about outreach and truly care about their pocketbook. I would see numbers of money flowing into churches and see exactly what that money was going to and much of it was either going into building a bigger building or straight into the pockets of ministers. This is in direct contrast to the Biblical guidelines for ministers which Paul laid out. Paul made tents because he did not feel that ministers of the faith should profit from the faith or else they would be led by profit instead of lead to do what the faith actually dictates. I was sickened by this and actually confronted the ministers at one of the meetings and told them I felt it was wrong to be making money off of people like that. I was told that I was too young to understand and that churches are businesses that have a bottom line just like any other business. Which in reality is true, except churches do not get taxed. Personally I say tax the churches and use that money for the social programs that churches pretend to really care deeply about.

3.) The bigger the scam artist you are, the better minister you are assumed to be.

Pat Robertson is nothing more than a cook who steals money from grandmothers who don’t have the proper mental capabilities to see through the scam. He sits there on a daily basis and pretend to heal people through the TV.  He makes huge claims like, There is a person with cerebral palsy that is being healed right not…. yet if this were true you’d think the medical industry would be harnessing his awesome power. It’s bullshit and yet he is seen as one of the most Godly men in America. From my own experience I was nearly thrown out of my own church, had to give up my ministry license, and was horribly shamed for calling out a charlatan, who was doing nothing more than an old snake oil salesmen routine. Pretending to heal people, this woman was selling a book, for several hundred dollars, that supposedly contained very specific prayers to heal almost any ailment….even though this woman could not come up with a prayer to cure her own diabetes… If you were not healed then it was obviously because you did not have enough faith and definitely not because it was bullshit…yet she was considered the saintly one and I, for calling it out, was considered the evil one…crazy…

4.) It just stopped making any sense

I will admit that at one point I truly believed and I do mean I truly believed. I was a 99% believer because I still didn’t take all of Genesis literally but the rest of it was golden. Over time though my bullshit meter began to fill up. Do I really believe that a virgin gave birth? Does it really make sense that God would have to die so that God could forgive humans for sins, even sins not yet committed? Did I really believe that millions of people walked through the desert for 40 years without leaving so much as a soda can behind? Did I truly believe that God got mad one day, even though he knows everything, about how evil his creation had become, even though he can see past, present, and future, destroyed the world in a flood, but saved one family on a big boat, with two of every unclean animal and seven of every clean animal on earth aboard? None of this made any sense. It also didn’t make sense that a loving God would create a place of eternal punishment for those folks who decided not to follow him. Hell to me seemed so contradictory to what God represented that it almost certainly had to be 100%, a man-made invention. If hell was invented, then why not heaven, if heaven then why not Christ, if Christ then why not God him or herself.(Remember, even beings that almost certainly do not exist can still have questions of Gender) All of this ate away at me almost daily.

One day I could take no more, I quit. If you think telling your employer those words are hard, try telling that to an all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-present being that you quit the job he or she gave you. I must have balls the size of cannonballs you might be thinking. Yet nothing happened, I have not been smitten, I have not been plagued with some horrible disease, and I have not gone blind or dumb from it. In all honesty, it was harder getting rid of old habits than it was to get rid of my belief in God. I still have times that i try to pray before a meal, or times that I consider praying for a person, times that I feel as if the words I say are getting me in trouble with the big man upstairs. This isn’t in any way saying I regret turning from the faith, just that old habits die hard and that leaving the faith is a lot like ending a relationship. You might hate the person you are with but once you end it, you go through a time of regret and sadness. You think of all the things you used to share and it brings you sadness, but deeper still you know you have made the right decision. This is where I was.

Today however, I feel much better about my decision. I look now at the silliness that I once believed and either laugh or groan. I know the scriptures that people are going to bring up before they even begin to say them and yet those scriptures bring me no sense of awe or wonder anymore. The only thing that I can compare this to is learning Santa isn’t real. You’re sad and maybe that first Christmas you still expect Santa but over time you begin to accept the truth, there is no Santa and you can be ok with that. In my mind I believe that there is no God, and I am ok with that.

Exhaustion and Exasperation

Long time no see, it’s been a few days since I’ve written anything. We had company for the weekend and a change in schedule or routine means an exhausted state for me. A friend stayed over a couple of days and it was fun having him here but I am still most comfortable when it is just me and my family.
Well it seems like the crazy train has fully pulled into Trump station this week. With continued allegations of an Obama wiretap, even though several intelligence officials have come out and said there absolutely was no wiretap. I don’t even understand where Trump thinks that there is a positive light here.


A.) There was no surveillance of Trump Tower.


B.) There was surveillance due to a criminal investigation being conducted.

Those are the only two outcomes of this current line of thinking. So either Trump is batshit crazy, or he and his associates have broken the law. Where is the silver lining that he hoped would come out of this story? I think that maybe I spoke a bit too soon on an earlier blog and Trump really is an idiot who is simply surrounded by strategists. That would at least make some sense, because at the moment I truly cannot see where they hoped this story would lead.

That’s it for tonight, goodnight and happy Tuesday.

Controlling the Cycle

So this post is going to deal with two topics, my own cycles and news cycles. To start off, I think I do a pretty good job keeping myself from getting overwhelmed. I do have times where things get to me and I have a blow-up but for the most part I am known for being very calm and cool. I swear a lot, I say some inappropriate things, but outside of those things most people don’t really know just how different my mind works from those around me.

It hasn’t always been this way. When I was young I would have blowups often. If I got upset I would go to my room and scream at the top of my lungs until my throat hurt. I would slam myself against walls and even one impaled my arm on a nail sticking out from the wall….not my best moment. I don’t exactly know when the change happened but sometime in my mid 20’s I got really tired of putting myself through all of it and I began to notice certain things that would set me off into a blowup. Usually I can handle a single issue fairly well, loud noises or stress alone are generally fine. However if things compound I will begin to feel my brain starting to go off and a blowup is eminent. So now if I am already stressed out and something else enters the picture I will try my best to remove myself from at least one of the issues. For example, I do not like traffic, I do enjoy driving with loud music, but if I get into traffic and begin to stress the music will start to up my tension. So when I know I will be in traffic I keep the radio off and I don’t let people talk to me which keeps the sound to a minimum. This works well for me, it isn’t perfect but it can many times keep me from blowing up, and that in turn makes me feel a lot better.

Onto the second topic, the news cycle. I hear people still calling Trump and his administration, idiots. I do not think this is the case anymore. In fact I think they are masters at controlling the news cycle. Think of the campaign. Trump could make one crazy statement and control the cycle for a week and sometimes two weeks at a time. During that time, any other candidate would get no airtime and if they did the questions were all about whatever it was that Trump had said. This happened in the primary and the general election. It was so bad that the news networks would watch an empty podium for 3 or 4 hours and discuss all the crazy things Trump had said and considering any new crazy thing he might say during his future speech.

It’s still happening. The Russian scandal, the insane healthcare system, the travel ban, environmental issues, and many other issues are currently occurring but the news has spent the last week discussing an idiotic tweet about wiretapping. Does Trump believe Obama tapped his phones? In all honesty, I doubt it. I do however believe that Trump got control of the news cycle once again and the rest of his administration, including the republican house and senate are basically able to do whatever they want. Donald Trump is a bullshit magician. He shows you a small pile of shit in his hand which makes you forget about the giant mound of shit sitting right behind him. He’s a fascist, a demagogue, a racist, a sexist, and many other things but I think we really have to reconsider if he or his administration are idiots. If we don’t, it could be a very long 4 or 8 years.

Political Obsession

So I have been obsessed with politics for as long as I can remember. It’s a trait with Aspies that we get these obsessions and we divest huge amounts of time to those obsessions. Trying to learn as much about them as possible. We really like to understand the things that intrigue us to the greatest degree we can. It isn’t so much that I like politics but I like watching trends and seeing if I can predict what will ultimately occur. Call me a prophet of the political establishment but in reality seeing trends and understanding where things are headed is not all that difficult.
A few examples of my own predictions that have come true in recent times were Mitt Romney losing to Barack Obama, relatively easy to spot that one. The charismatic popular leader taking on the run of the mill, boring, rich, Mormon guy. Seriously, can you think of something outside of Ben Carson that is more boring than a guy named Mitt?  Less easy to predict was that Mitt Romney would be the nominee in the very beginning of the 2012 primary system.

See the republicans in both 2012 and 2016 made some key mistakes during their primaries and I will explain. Any time you would see a front runner on the news, every other candidate would begin attacking that candidate, with the exception of Romney who stayed in the background for about the first half of the primary season. By the time that Mitt did take center stage, the rest of his rivals had bashed one another so much that they had absolutely no credibility. Early in the primaries, the vast majority of republicans were saying anyone but Romney, yet then he took the lead and sailed through to the nomination.

I will say that when I saw Trump descend on the escalator, I looked at my wife and said, “Oh My God, Donald Trump is going to be the next president.” See, at the end of 2012 I told everyone that the republicans would learn absolutely nothing from the election they just lost, and in 2016 they would nominate an even worse candidate who might actually win. I would live to regret that prediction. The difference between that election and this last election is the idea of the joke candidate. Trump survived the primary because none of the other candidates felt the need to actually attack him.

See in the game of chess, the pawn is such a weak piece that many players will make the mistake of ignoring them altogether, but a pawn that breaks through to the other side can become a queen and completely destroy the other players pieces. Trump was a pawn for the first half of the primaries and by the time his opponents began to take him seriously, he had amassed a large group of voters who were inoculated against normal campaign attacks. Call Trump dumb, they’d say he’s not an intellectual and we like it. Call him greedy and they’d say he deserves to keep all he has. Call him a womanizer and they’d say, hey we’re not electing the pope. Any attack you threw at him they’d deflect and over time their numbers grew.

Now I know what you’re thinking, yeah he won the primary but he lost the popular vote in the general election. Well yes, he wasn’t that popular but it isn’t like the electoral strategy is anything new. He won the election in the fashion deemed suitable by the constitution, which I disagree with but until we change the constitution to eliminate the electoral college, that is the system we have.

However, he did not win the election without the democrats making some completely boneheaded moves a long the way. It’s what I call the idiots wager…

Let’s say you have two choices for candidate…

Group A wants choice one but says in the end they will support whatever choice is made.
Group B wants choice two and says if choice two isn’t selected they will just stay home.

Now do you see the conundrum? If group A will support anyone, and group B will only support their choice, then isn’t the most logical choice to go with Group B’s choice and have both groups support? Strangely enough that is not what occurs in most cases. Group A says that Group B is selfish and then says they don’t really need Group B’s support. Then the general election comes, they lose, and they then blame group B for their loss.

Now with that said, I will admit that I voted for Hillary but I also know many people who voted third party or did not vote at all, who would have voted for Bernie Sanders, had he been the nominee. So you would have had me and everyone else who voted for Hillary, along with all those people who ended up staying home or voting third party, and Trump would not be our president. Now you can make the case that third party voters cost her the election and I say that’s bullshit. If your candidate cannot get third party voters to support them, then they were the problem and not the voters themselves. Lets not forget that in some of the states that Hillary lost, huge numbers of voters actually voted democratic on the down ticket while leaving the presidential ticket blank.

Number two, you cannot beat a populist candidate with a establishment candidate, especially if that establishment candidate starts out incredibly unpopular, has a major scandal that decreases their popularity even more, wins the nomination due to a super delegate system that rendered the entire primary season as useless, and then spends the majority of the campaign trying to win over white collar republicans instead of regaining and retaining blue collar democrat voters. It isn’t going to happen.

So what happens next? Well the Democrats are faced with two choices, learn or lose. In 2020, if they run an establishment candidate they will once again lose. Trump may not be winning any friends at the moment, but his base is still just as into him. Even if he takes away every right they have, he will not lose the majority of their support, because he is a cult leader and you do not question the cult leaders actions. On top of that, those voters who stayed home or voted third party in 2016 will do the same in 2020 if another establishment candidate is selected.

So how do you win? You fight populism with real grassroots populism. You run someone that gets young people excited, not because of the concerts or celebrities they can bring in but because of the stances they take. You run someone who is popular, can get their message across, does not disregard huge swaths of the electorate, and who understands the plight of the working class. You do that and you win. Simple as that. Only time will tell what actually happens.

I hope you have a great weekend. Goodnight

You Don’t Act Autistic

God dammit that statement pisses me the fuck off…

Want to know why I don’t act autistic? I don’t act Autistic because A.) I am on a different part of the spectrum than your narrow idea of Autism and B.) I have learned through my life that acting even a little bit different that the rest of society is deemed weird enough to commit physical harm against the person acting different. I don’t act Autistic because I don’t want you to treat me like I am mentally inferior to you.

This is the equivalent of telling African American people that they don’t act black. It is a micro-aggression that I don’t even think the speaker understands how offensive it is. It is often times meant to come off as a compliment. “Oh hey you don’t act as crazy and weird as the rest of the folks I’ve seen in TV’s and Movies, so you must not have autism.” I feel my response should be, you don’t act as dumb as you obviously are….

Anyway this is going to be a short post tonight. I had someone trying to a female friend of mine, that they couldn’t possibly be autistic, because they had watched “The Accountant,” and she didn’t act anything like that guy.  Well, Autism displays itself much differently in women, and “The Accountant,” is a decent movie not because it is a great portrayal of aspergers, but because Ben Affleck is best when he doesn’t have to pretend to have any acting talent whatsoever…..yes….pretend….lol

Anyway, Happy Friday and Goodnight!

Hey, Can you explain this to….

No, the answer to that question will almost always be no, but god dammit I will try! See the way I go about doing things is in my own fashion. It makes perfect sense to me but no sense whatsoever to anyone else. So when I go about explaining something, generally the person I am explaining it to ends up completely confused and has to have someone else fix the bad explanation that I gave.

The second problem is that I am almost always nervous when I am explaining something and in those times the words in my mouth and the thoughts in my brain do not go together very well. I often give the last part of a sentence first and then the first part of the sentence. I am a very large round Yoda. Without the spaceship lifting power… unfortunately. A typical sentence might come out. “press the lowest link. When you already have the page open and have scrolled to the bottom” Hey, it makes sense to me…lol

What else is on my mind tonight? My daughter had a Dental appointment today and I had to drive in traffic but today i didn’t do so bad. I was actually pretty proud of myself over that because generally a trip in the city leaves me completely wiped out, my knuckles white on the steering wheel, and my stress at a major high. Today none of that happened so I was pretty happy.

In other news we bought a new bed which will do wonders for my back pain. I have some serious issues with arthritis in my back and the old bed was killing me. I look forward to getting a good nights sleep tonight on the new bed.

I guess my point is, today was fairly mundane and there is a beauty in that. While driving to the dentist a song came on that my wife and I used to sing together when it was just me an her. I would sing the male part and she would sing the female part. Today I smiled to myself because while I still sang the male part, my wife and daughter were both singing the female part. It was something that was so perfect and resembled so much what I thought my life would be like at this point. I was perfectly happy in that moment and it was awesome.

Well that’s it for me tonight. Have a great rest of your week!

P.S. The pizza hut delivery man today told me, after I had paid, to enjoy my food, without thinking I said, “You too.” I realized how dumb that sounded and so I tried to correct myself and it didn’t go any better. The delivery guy was obviously trying not to laugh and just wanted to get out of there…. I still hope that later when he is enjoying his dinner, he thinks of me and how good his food is…then it will have been worth it. lol


Well….that was unexpected…

So yesterday I wrote about how pissed off I was and just like that I wake up today feeling fine and it’s all behind me. That’s how my mind works and I can’t explain it leaving anymore than I can describe it sticking around, like it did over the weekend. I think maybe this was fates way of preparing me for the bullshit I was going to read later in the day. If you don’t follow politics, you might not know who Ben Carson is and so I feel I must describe him.

Ben Carson is equal parts creationist, neurosurgeon, idiot, and secretary of Housing and Urban Development, better known as HUD. TO maybe make it easier to understand the kind of person Carson is, imagine, a dose of Haldol becomes sentient, gets a medical degree and one day has a cabinet position in our government. Ok so now that you have the picture let me move on to today.

Ben Carson is famous for many things, one of those things is making outlandish theories about historical events. Until today, his most outlandish theory had been that the Pyramids were built to hold grain during the time of Joseph. Now I don’t know why they would build something elaborate like a pyramid simply to hold grain. It isn’t like they didn’t have a means of grain storage back then. Yet this idiotic theory goes well with the young Earth ideology that many creationists adhere to. This theory however is nothing compared to what he did today…

Ben Carson, a middle aged African American man, said that slaves, were really just immigrants, who involuntarily came to America, with hopes and dreams that their children would thrive in this nation. Now maybe it’s just my brain but I can’t wrap my head around a statement that stupid. I mean it is truly a 7 layer dip of bullshit. I’m going to admit that not much surprises me but this did. I’m fairly sure if you look up the definition of bullshit, you’d find a picture of Carson with this quote under it.

Anyway in other topics, I’m in a great mood tonight. We have a storm rolling in which always has the ability to brighten my outlook. I truly enjoy storms and they have enchanted me for as long as I can remember. Lightning and Thunder, though scientific in nature, are a sort of magic that just excites me to no end. Strangely enough, I have slept through a tornado ripping through my back yard. Storms calms me and most people think that’s a bit odd, but I love it.

Anyway, hopefully you had a good Monday and enjoy your week.